My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
