i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
