I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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