At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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