Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
