Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
