She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
