we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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