you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
