I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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