don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
