what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
