I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
