I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
