You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
