Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
