Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
