just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
