sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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