I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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