I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
