I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
