everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
