Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love you. Go after that dick
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