What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
