she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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