i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
