I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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