I accidentally had phone sex last night
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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