from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
