CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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