I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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