I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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