I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
