THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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