I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I skipped work to stalk him.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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