wrigley field is MILF paradise
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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