somebody snuck up and got me drunk
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
