I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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