we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
