I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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