1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
