if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
