I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
