the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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