12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
