He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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