the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
