All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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