so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
