I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
