I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
