I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
