Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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