He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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