he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
