i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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