I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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