yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
