Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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