I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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