I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
