I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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