i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
