After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
