..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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