So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
