How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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