I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
