SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
