can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
