If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As shirtless as possible
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize