Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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