You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Vodka?
Forever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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