either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
