Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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