I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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