Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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