Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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